If only they could talk: 8 conversations you’d have with your horse

For this my 100th post, I thought I’d go for the lighter side and share with you this cute post from Horse & Hound (UK), which provides an endearing insight into our horses’ mind.

Gemma Redrup, who wrote this, must have spent much time around horses to come up with these. Horses really are like children, and these are exactly the types of vibes I get from my dear mare Nellie (see her freaking out in picture below…) in similar situations.

Thanks to my friends at Greenhawk for sharing this on Facebook. I did not edit the text, but I used different pictures from original post.

Henri Thibodeau

Horses can’t talk — we know that, and thank goodness, imagine how awful it would be if they could answer back (that’s one of the reasons we love them). But imagine if they could reply. We think it would go a little something like this…

By Gemma Redrup | Horse & Hound |Posted April 19, 2015

Mucking out part I

Human: “I’ve spent ages mucking you out (again) so please don’t mess up your stable as soon as you go back into it this time. OK?”
Horse: “Why would I do such a thing? I love that you spend the time making the banks just so and you give me more bedding than I really deserve. Of course I’m not going to mess it up.”
Human: “OK in you go then.”
Horse: “Why thank you.”
Human: “What are you doing?!”
Horse: “But I was bursting. I’m really sorry.”

Nellie freaking outHacking

Human: “What are you doing?! You nearly made me fall off!”
Horse: “It’s another hedge monster. It’s TERRIFYING! I’m trying to protect you. We must go in the opposite direction immediately at speed.”
Human: “It’s not a hedge monster, you know what it is — another plastic bag.”
Horse: “But it wasn’t there yesterday and it’s definitely dangerous.”

Catching from the field


Five minutes later
Horse: “Oh gosh hello. I didn’t see you there. Oo you even have food — you should have told me, I would have come over to the gate instead of you walking all the way over here.”


Human: “Please horse, will you just walk up the ramp so that we aren’t late to the competition? Please — we have been here for ages now and I’m losing my sense of humour.”
Horse: “But I’m plaited and I know what that means — you know I don’t do dressage.”

Poo stain

Pain-In-The-Derriere-WebHuman: “Now look, as you know I’ve just spent the last hour making you look beautiful before we go competing tomorrow. I’m begging you please, don’t undo all of my hard work in your stable tonight.”
Horse: “Sure. Absolutely. Not a problem. I really appreciate all of the effort you’ve gone to.”
Next morning
Human: “Noooooooo! How did you get that stain there?!”
Horse: “Look, I can explain. I just really wanted something soft and warm to keep me comfy while I had a lie down and it’s not my fault my rug didn’t stay where it was meant to to keep me clean. Surely you understand?”


Human: “Now we’ve just got this last plait to do before you’re ready — keep your head nice and still I’m nearly there.”
Horse shakes head
Human: “Why?!”


Horse: “Why have you stopped bathing me?”
Human: “You’re standing on the hose, please move.”
Horse: “Ah OK, one second. There you go. Why aren’t you getting on
with it?”
Human: “You’re now standing on the hose with your other hoof. Try again.”

Mucking out part II

Horse: “Morning. I’m absolutely starving — please fetch me hay tout suite.”
Human: “You’re starving because all of last night’s hay is mixed into your bed.”
Horse: “I definitely didn’t put it there and I couldn’t possibly eat it now it’s covered in shavings. Now please go and get me some fresh stuff.”

Education & Experience

About Henri Thibodeau

Freelance writer and translator based in Quebec, Canada.
This entry was posted in Other Food for Thought and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply | Laissez un commentaire

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s